Hagar, for me, is a very interesting and intriguing character. Her actions and her motives behind those actions are what intrigue me most, but at the same time, I feel sorry for her, I respect her and I understand (at least some parts of) her.
Her love for Milkman is necessary, yet it eventually ruins her. When she finally gives into her love for him and allows him to freely achieve what he seeks, he loses interest and shuns her (just like Abraham shunned Hagar and Ishmael in the Bible). Because he shuns her, she desire and strives for his love even more deeply and passionately than before, and he keeps rejecting her, which is why I feel sorry for her. At the same time, I respect her for seeking revenge on Milkman, even though it was not neccessarily done in a very moral or respectful manner. But because she attempted to stand up to him, I respect her. The power that he holds over her and her love for him is why she never actually kills him and what prevents her from ever seriously wanting to kill him.
The reason that she cannot hurt Milkman is because she loves him, which I understand. Not that I ever dream of killing Nathan because he broke up with me in a letter (which hasn't happened. yet. {hahaha, just kidding}) but I understand the total unwillingness to put any harm whatsoever on the person you love.
Although Hagar seems rather crazy, her motives and actions are understandable. That, for me, is why she is so intriguing!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
L- is for the way you look at me...
Nathan got back from a trip to Baltimore on Monday. He went to visit MICA, which is the college he's going to next year. I love him. He's the most genuine person I know, and I love and appreciate him for that. Whenever he goes away, I'm terrified that something is going to happen to him and I'll never see him agian. I feel that way about the people I love most, about my mom, my closest friends, and the rest of my immediate family. I think it's because I've lost so much throughout my life, and I hate losing. It's escalated even more over the past year. This past year, 2006, I lost a lot. I lost a lot of love, and let me tell ya, it ain't pretty.
Firstly, last February, my mom's best friend and my surrogate father (Sam) was diagnosed with liver cancer and died within two months. About a month before Sam died, my grandfather broke his neck. Luckily, he didn't die and wasn't paralyzed, but the whole ordeal, including hospitals, the ICU and rehab centers, lasted until late August. In August, my mom, my sister and I adopted a puppy from the Atlanta Humane Society. She was the sweetest thing in the entire world. We had her for a week before she was diagnosed with distemper and had to be euthanized a week later. Finally, one afternoon in late October, one of my best friends, Amy McGee, committed suicide.
Obviously, the worst part of 2006 was Amy killing herself. I still get sick saying that she hung herself in a closet. It makes me heave. It makes me weep. She was one of those people who I just connected with, and we could call each other after not talking for a month and talk for 2 hours, nonstop. We went to camp together, we spent the night together, she invited me to Puerto Rico with her; we did a lot of stuff together. I miss her more than anything in the entire world. I shook for about two days straight after I found out. I got the call at around 12 am, and I didn't sleep again until 6. It was the most horrifying day of my entire life. But the thing that bothers me the most is that SO MANY PEOPLE LOVED HER, but she didn't love herself. Because she didn't love herself, she took her own life. Because she took her own life, many people's lives were changed and the lives of her closest friends were disfigured. My world is not the same without her in it. I think the thing that I'm trying to say is that you truly, truly don't realize what you have until you lose it. And I wish more than anything, more than anything in the entire universe, that I hadn't lost her.
In short, this year has been beautiful and terrible at the same time. I've grown. I've matured. I've lost more than I thought I ever could. I've cried, and cried, and cried. And I still cry. But I loved, and I still love. For a while, it was one horrible thing after another. They've all changed me. I don't know if I've necessarily changed on the outside, to those who don't know me well. But I do know that I'm much more protective of those I love dearly. I'm so terrified of losing them. I try desperatley not to show it, but I'm absolutley terrified of losing them. It's my biggest fear. It's because I love them s
o much. I love.
rest in peace, my darling. i love you.
Firstly, last February, my mom's best friend and my surrogate father (Sam) was diagnosed with liver cancer and died within two months. About a month before Sam died, my grandfather broke his neck. Luckily, he didn't die and wasn't paralyzed, but the whole ordeal, including hospitals, the ICU and rehab centers, lasted until late August. In August, my mom, my sister and I adopted a puppy from the Atlanta Humane Society. She was the sweetest thing in the entire world. We had her for a week before she was diagnosed with distemper and had to be euthanized a week later. Finally, one afternoon in late October, one of my best friends, Amy McGee, committed suicide.
Obviously, the worst part of 2006 was Amy killing herself. I still get sick saying that she hung herself in a closet. It makes me heave. It makes me weep. She was one of those people who I just connected with, and we could call each other after not talking for a month and talk for 2 hours, nonstop. We went to camp together, we spent the night together, she invited me to Puerto Rico with her; we did a lot of stuff together. I miss her more than anything in the entire world. I shook for about two days straight after I found out. I got the call at around 12 am, and I didn't sleep again until 6. It was the most horrifying day of my entire life. But the thing that bothers me the most is that SO MANY PEOPLE LOVED HER, but she didn't love herself. Because she didn't love herself, she took her own life. Because she took her own life, many people's lives were changed and the lives of her closest friends were disfigured. My world is not the same without her in it. I think the thing that I'm trying to say is that you truly, truly don't realize what you have until you lose it. And I wish more than anything, more than anything in the entire universe, that I hadn't lost her.
In short, this year has been beautiful and terrible at the same time. I've grown. I've matured. I've lost more than I thought I ever could. I've cried, and cried, and cried. And I still cry. But I loved, and I still love. For a while, it was one horrible thing after another. They've all changed me. I don't know if I've necessarily changed on the outside, to those who don't know me well. But I do know that I'm much more protective of those I love dearly. I'm so terrified of losing them. I try desperatley not to show it, but I'm absolutley terrified of losing them. It's my biggest fear. It's because I love them s
o much. I love.rest in peace, my darling. i love you.
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